We've recently decided to move. But we have things we need to do to our house first, so if things go as planned (and you know what they say about plans), we might possibly be putting our house up for sale next summer.
That's a year away, but of course we're stalking all the realtor sites, seeing what we could get in our price range. As for me, my favorite daydream is to slide into imagining one of these houses with our furniture in it. Looking at the kitchen counters and deciding where to put the microwave, canisters, mug rack. While doing dishes, I'll dream of the dishwasher I will one day have (I have told the hubs that this is an absolute must). I look at all our clutter and can't wait to get rid of it and start fresh. We'll literally be moving w/just our furniture and kitchen essentials. The rest is being sold.
And I get so impatient for all this to happen, dreaming of this better house and then...I start feeling guilty. We live in a small ranch house now, w/3 bedrooms & 1 bath. Besides our living room, we have a small den off the kitchen. It's by no means a mansion, but I am thankful for it. Griffin has a fun bright bedroom, and this is home for him, where he loves to come back to after a day at his aunt's, or the baby-sitter's, or his mamaw's.
I just don't want this really strong desire for better to mean I'm not grateful for what I have. To not enjoy this time, by always thinking of the future. But then I remind myself that I'm a dreamer. And that there's nothing wrong w/dreaming of better for me and my family. To want to have two bathrooms, so that my little boy isn't dancing around, waiting for the bathroom to be free. To have enough cabinet space to put away all our food, so it isn't hanging out in baskets on the microwave and in bowls on the bowl stand.
And I'm always dreaming of better when it comes to my writing too. I write because it's my passion, but some days I have to dream about getting an agent or a book deal to get through the rough patches of drafting/revising. Because while I'll always write, let's be honest, it can be plain hard. Not fun or easy or flowing, but just grinding it out, while trying to capture the essence of what we see in our heads, on the paper.
So I'm trying to find balance. To enjoy the now of where I am, but to keep dreaming and striving for a better future. Yesterday morning we went into our backyard, in our pajamas, and played with squirt guns. And it didn't matter if some of the wood on our back porch was rotting (hello to-do list), we had loads of fun anyway.