Monday, May 23, 2016

Feeling Bad about Dreaming (Kinda)

(source)

We've recently decided to move. But we have things we need to do to our house first, so if things go as planned (and you know what they say about plans), we might possibly be putting our house up for sale next summer. 

That's a year away, but of course we're stalking all the realtor sites, seeing what we could get in our price range. As for me, my favorite daydream is to slide into imagining one of these houses with our furniture in it. Looking at the kitchen counters and deciding where to put the microwave, canisters, mug rack. While doing dishes, I'll dream of the dishwasher I will one day have (I have told the hubs that this is an absolute must). I look at all our clutter and can't wait to get rid of it and start fresh. We'll literally be moving w/just our furniture and kitchen essentials. The rest is being sold. 

And I get so impatient for all this to happen, dreaming of this better house and then...I start feeling guilty. We live in a small ranch house now, w/3 bedrooms & 1 bath. Besides our living room, we have a small den off the kitchen. It's by no means a mansion, but I am thankful for it. Griffin has a fun bright bedroom, and this is home for him, where he loves to come back to after a day at his aunt's, or the baby-sitter's, or his mamaw's. 

I just don't want this really strong desire for better to mean I'm not grateful for what I have. To not enjoy this time, by always thinking of the future. But then I remind myself that I'm a dreamer. And that there's nothing wrong w/dreaming of better for me and my family. To want to have two bathrooms, so that my little boy isn't dancing around, waiting for the bathroom to be free. To have enough cabinet space to put away all our food, so it isn't hanging out in baskets on the microwave and in bowls on the bowl stand. 

And I'm always dreaming of better when it comes to my writing too. I write because it's my passion, but some days I have to dream about getting an agent or a book deal to get through the rough patches of drafting/revising. Because while I'll always write, let's be honest, it can be plain hard. Not fun or easy or flowing, but just grinding it out, while trying to capture the essence of what we see in our heads, on the paper. 

So I'm trying to find balance. To enjoy the now of where I am, but to keep dreaming and striving for a better future. Yesterday morning we went into our backyard, in our pajamas, and played with squirt guns. And it didn't matter if some of the wood on our back porch was rotting (hello to-do list), we had loads of fun anyway. 

17 comments:

  1. Certainly nothing wrong with dreaming. Hope you find the perfect house. Certainly one with more than one bathroom!

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    1. I am certainly longing for the day when I can clean one more toilet. And I mean that sincerely, lol!

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  2. Last summer I moved into the first place Ever that had more than one bathroom. Even if it was just me, it was amazing! And oh how I love dishwashers :) Dreaming of someplace nicer with things that will especially give you more quality time with you family (or just yourself--peeing in peace is gold!!) is totally fair imho.

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    1. Lol! It really is gold. My kidlet is constantly following me into the bathroom. Mommy wants some privacy- and quiet for two minutes! ;)

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  3. Aw, Leandra, dreaming is what pushes us to the next level. I get what you mean though. You are content and don't want to be materialistic, but having two bathrooms is such a good thing, as is indoor plumbing. I hope you find the perfect house soon and are able to do all that needs to be done so that it's the perfect house for another family. Vijaya

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    1. Thanks, Vijaya! I hope so too. And amen to indoor plumbing, heh. =)

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  4. I'm going through this exact thing right now. We might be moving to a different state in a few weeks if my hubby gets a job offer, and I can't help but look at houses there and imagine myself in them. Even if they are way too expensive. ;) Good luck!

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    1. Thanks, you too! Sounds like you'll be going through it much quicker than me. =) And I do that too, heh. Though why I'd ever need a five bedroom/4 bathroom house is beyond me, lol!

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  5. You have to dream, or else life would never change. And, this may just be me, but I don't think a second bathroom is asking for too much. I used to do that "dancing" way back when, and that was when it was just my husband and me. It's not fun!

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    1. It so isn't! And my husband is a notorious slow bathroom user. (he'd die if he knew I was saying this!) And that's a good thought. There's some change I don't want, but lots I desperately do. And a lot of it starts w/dreaming!

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  6. There's nothing wrong with dreaming! I live in a studio apartment so I dream about having more space (and a dishwasher!) all the time. I think it's perfectly normal to want to have something new, too, not just something that may be "better."

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  7. Your home sounds super cozy (I love ranch-style houses), but to dream for something new and fresh and exciting is what makes us human! It's wonderful to plan and hope for the future, but at the same time, it seems you are also finding a sweet balance. Love this post, Leandra!

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  8. I'm a dreamer too- an unapologetic one. I'll look at beach houses knowing full well I'm not buying one for year and years, if ever. But there is always hope. And it's the hope that keeps a soul positive. You never know what tomorrow will bring. But like you, I will enjoy today. I will be happy in my little house (also a 3 bed, though we have an extra bath- huge difference!) and enjoy my now, but I will always be dreaming big. And I am such a life-long dreamer, there isn't a thing you could say to convince me to be rational 100% of the time. If I was that type of soul, I'd probably have gone into accounting and made real money.

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  9. There's no reason to feel bad about dreaming about the future. But you are right, it's important to enjoy the present, as well.

    As for writing, if we didn't dream about our wretched first drafts someday becoming a book on the shelf, how would we ever finish them?

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  10. nothing wrong with dreaming :)

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  11. While I didn't move, we put a pretty big addition on our house and I had to leave during construction. I felt very similar about dreaming of the new place. It's been finished for a year and I love it. :)

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  12. Lovely post, Leandra. I'll give you another vote for dreaming. Somehow I've never had a dishwasher (although I admit to using paper plates every so often...). Took me years to get a dryer, as well. I guess everyone has their own priorities as to what's important to them. For me, it's my round porch. Lots of good wishes for your future move!

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